Rejoice

Last night, while waiting on the forecourt of an east london train station for one of travelling companions to arrive before heading to a dive for a nights revelry and debauchment, we were approached by 2 ladies.

These ladies were probably in their late 30s, maybe early 40s. Ones appearance was so haggered i couldn't tell what she'd smoked more of - dick or cigarrettes. Either way, she'd had a lifetime of inserting phallic objects into her orrifices, so i knew she would be a winner. Her friend was a treat. That kind of late 30s something most people would dub a 'couger' so they'd feel no shame about slipping her one despite the age gap. When will people learn that embracing shameful behavior is the way forward... Anyway. These two warped old sea hags offered an insight so profound i thought i'd share. Its 11pm, they're drunker than a 13 year old with their first can of K, clutching a bag of fried chicken products. Unproked, without prompt, she stops mid conversation, points at me and declares:

"You have everything... i only have the colonel"

Your life is over, wench. Mine is just warming up

life is good

Liars

are fucking everywhere. They breed like cockroaches.

i seem to be one of them

Absent for so long

so its been a while, but in my time away, i've answered one of the age old questions:

what would i be like on drugs

now as a back story to this i should explain i had another wisdom tooth pulled. Fortunately there was no cutting or sawing this time - just a straight extraction. Still doesn't stop the heeling processing being rediculously painful or stop my mouth pissing blood for weeks. But the dentist did perscribe me codeine.

I've not touched anything in over 8 years.

i see why people do this shit recreationally now... no worries. no angst. not a care in a world.

happiness

its disgusting

Yet again i dispair for humanity

What little faith i've regained recently went in an instant at 3:24am

Due to another breakdown in modern conveniences, a replacement toaster was needed. So off i trudge to my local corporate hyper mart (yeah, i'll support independent business when they start tending to my 3am needs for electronic goods - im a night person. suck it up, small enterprise), and i see the worst thing i've laid eyes on all week

A man and a woman, and i use that term only to specify gender, not to give any impression of class... gunt hanging out of her sweats, followed by not one, but six small children. All couldn't be older than 3 or 4. They were shuffling round, doing a half assed job of keeping their brood of sexual faux pas in some form of herd. She did not look human to begin with, but my word... think of pumping out that many kids in a short space of time. Her insides must be so ragged by now I’m sure a fox could hide up in there... probably drawn in by the smell of rotting flesh

Comms black out

Sorry for the silence boys and girls... Apart from friday nights mischief, i've had to be a bit of a shut in. Bit of an odd start to the weekend though. Working a front desk has taught me just how loose peoples grip on reality really is. Aparently there are many out there who believe if they get discount 1 month, they should get it EVERY month, and will stand there and try and argue the point for a good minute or 2 despite the massive queue behind them. Arguing. For 2 minutes. Over the difference of the princely sum of £1. And i thought your mother was cheap... cheap like this non-creative, but sadly accurate insult.

So why have i been a shut in? I've had my nose in the books, trying to cram lots of knowledge into my brain. Its not fun. Why? So i can pass my exams and hopefully not work somewhere like this



Faceless office cattle, crossing the t's, dotting the i's, waiting to be culled next time the budget shits the bed

They'll tell you "we're all one big family here at the company" - but as soon as things go south, they'll lawyer up and divorce you quicker than huntley was to find a place to bury holly and jessica

road trips and suicide

Ok - well obviously not suicide. Im here. Writing this. Its on the "to do" list for the time being.

I've had a reasonably enjoyable evening. The bands were all decent, although nothing exceptional... the real highlight was watching Hurr headwalk onto a fat crowdsurfers face. This i approve of. 5/5 for effort there. Now, don't get me wrong, its not because i hate fat people (for the record, i do)... but the tubby cunt in question really was a tosser. I can't say i spoke to him personally, but you know the type of person who you can be in the same vacinity as for 2 minutes and think "yeeeeep. Hes a prick" - he was one of them. Prick is probably too kind. Infact, he seemed to be the social equivilant of a used condom. A rapidly cooling sack of jizz. A container of conjealing seed, never to meet any potential. Man fat, without purpose, rapped in latex, disguarded and left to rot in alley. Plus apparently hes rather happy with his hands. Pleasant.

Also - tortoises are rubbish. The minute they fall on their back, they can't get up, and die... kinda like old people.

Maybe when im done with this existance i'll burn in hell alongside hitler, and that chemically-enduced-alopechia cunt goodey - taking turns to babysit for mr cameron til he arrives... yep, scraping a new low there

Marraige material

So my friend told me about this woman in her shop a few days ago. She was telling off her kid and said to them

"if you don't behave yourself, your next baby sitter will be the mccanns"

I think im in love...

Why the fuck have i been roped into this

simple

I am the dead weight of a corpse, waiting to donate organs to the needy. My misery keeps you entertained (and lets face it, one of the few talents i have is being able to spin an entertaining yarn about my own self inflicted suffering). So i've decided to start a blog... it would be like unleashing some sort of monster from the writings of HP Lovecraft - a tenticaled mass of teeth and eyes and self-loathing that doesn't conform to euclidean geometry and would probably dent your sanity on

plus a pretty traveling thing asked me to keep her entertained on tour

but im not going start with some long winded rant... lets just start with a low blow:

a miscarriage is gods way of letting you off the hook



bitter and then some