A new low or continued standard of excellence

I found out a friend of mine is going to be a father. Normally i'd be against such a thing... face it. Kids are fucking annoyin, ok? However there may be one redeeming factor to the situation: he is a walking train wreck of a man. The friend in question - well, more of an aquaintance - is a poster boy for how not to lead your life sometimes. That coupled with the factor that him and his girlfriends idea of a "couples night in" is doing acid, i have exceedingly low expectations... I can see it now, child is born, he'll be standing outside the Old Blue, babe in arms, saying "look ah muh kid! ain't he brilliant! Now, you get the beers in, and whos got the ket?"

It will be hilarious for all involved. Even if the kid snuffs it though mal-parenting, my buddy could hollow out its limp and lifeless baby fat pudgy mini-corpse and use it as an astray or a drugs stash, or maybe even some sort of novelty bong?

I ask you: what could possibly go right?